When you live out in rural areas, you have to expect critters to show up on your property. I wasn’t expecting a stray kitten to walk up and decide ‘this carport will do’, but I came home to find two bowls set out and a starved moron climbing the screen of my door.
Sigh. Maybe he’ll survive long enough to help keep other critters away.
After a couple of days, he’s put on weight and took to staying under the carport, so we made a makeshift den for him.
Meet Baka, everyone. Yes, the name is appropriate. I watched him attempt to pounce a bird and the bird pecked the hell out of him before he ran back to his box.
Penelope was mad that there was a kitten living in the carport and showed her displeasure by peeing on the bed. I’m reinvesting in those old “Don’t Pee Here” sprays.
But it just wouldn’t be the Swift Ranch if the animals weren’t a little weird.
…yup, that tracks.
Stay safe out there, folks. Gotta put a cold compress on my side, so it’ll be a quiet night.
I started working for the US Post Office back in May 2009, as a T.E. (Transitional Employee) but did not make Career until 2014. I’ve been wearing the uniform for 15 years.
On Tuesday, I was fired. I received a Letter of Removal and was walked off the premises.
At the time, I was (understandably) in shock. I called my wife, took a few minutes at home to let it sink in, and… I broke, again.
Folks, I like to joke that sometimes God thinks I’m Job from the Old Testament. If you’ve been following my posts and writings for the last eight months, you might see why I use that kind of acerbic humor. This just adds on to it.
Now, not all is lost. I’m still on the payroll and have been put on administrative leave. So, I’m still getting paid until late June. I also have a Union, so I’ve filed a grievance to have the Removal rescinded. The folks in Union leadership are considering my case and are, bluntly saying, ‘convinced this is bullshit and I’ll get my job back’. That will take time, though, and I can’t get around that (backpay will inevitably happen), so it’ll be a waiting game. I can’t go into the details surrounding the grievance at the moment. Legally speaking, a grievance is considered a lawsuit, so I’m under a ton of obligations to keep quiet about it on public forums.
Don’t worry, players and friends; I’ll talk about it on personal time.
To say that I’ve been pushed into despair would be an honest understatement. I’m a male Millennial from the 80’s, so I’ve been raised to believe that if I can’t provide, then I have no value. I’m not saying that it’s true, but it’s some strong brainwashing to go through.
On the other hand, I have a family for whom I must provide. My wife and children need to be fed, clothed, and given safe shelter. The bills don’t care if I’ve lost my job; they still need to be paid.
It’s a motivation that borders on the insanity with me; they need me to not fall apart, and more importantly, I need me to not fall apart.
‘Fall apart’ is something I will do, of course, but I’ve also been raised to believe that men can’t show emotions like that to other people, so it’ll happen during my more private moments. I do have friends and family to whom I can reach out, and I will. One of them, a buddy that’s also a psychologist and therapist, talked to me earlier this morning about everything.
He sent me a video of Jean-Luc Picard explaining to Data that “You can do everything right, make no mistakes, and still lose. That’s not weakness; that’s life.” He reminded me, in a moment of bleak thoughts, that I’ve done right by my family and that I’ll continue to do so, because that’s who I am.
It reminded me of something my father told me when I was 17.
Sidenote: I really need to dust.
I’ll be taking this time to fight the despair, take care of house and home, and write. I had started a rewrite of a short story for submission before this happened. I’m now extra-motivated to get some kind of publishing, and I do have time on my hands…
Might also start with the creative crunch for subscriber content and try to drive up donations. Lord knows, I’m going to need it. And yes, I’ll look into some kind of paying work to make ends meet. I can address my feelings, but responsibilities must also be addressed.
I want to take a quick moment to remind all of you that, if you’re depressed, don’t try to hide it, suppress it, or keep it to yourself. Please, if you have people, reach out to them and talk. If you don’t have those people, there are programs that can help you, even in this crazy world we live in. It’s weird and go against my instincts to say that, but that instinct was taught to me and it’s ultimately not a healthy one.
Men: fucking listen to me and talk to someone. Stoicism isn’t a panacea for despair.
Have faith, folks. I’ll still be around and will keep writing/posting. If I seem depressed, it’s because I am. But I’ll keep plugging along at my goals. I have people that’ll help me stand back up.
I wanted to end this essay on something that’ll lift our moods, so here’s the fat housecat stoned out of her mind on catnip and unable to move.
Yeah… Penelope was stuck like that but didn’t seem to mind or notice.
Welp, I didn’t listen to my own damn advice. Thought I could handle just a little more weight when lifting parcels or moving around.
But halfway through the route, I felt a sneeze coming on. There had been a few moments of discomfort from the chest muscles, but it turned out I wasn’t ready.
I sneezed. There was a soft pop sensation in my torso, just left of the sternum.
Oh…oh no.
Cut to a few hours later, I’m home, setting up the next doctor visit and explaining to management that I won’t be coming in, and readying a supply of cold compresses.
The face of a man coming to grips with his age, and also needing a trim.
Gonna be a short night. Once the anti-inflammatories kick in, I’ll be unconscious.
I did say I’d choose a classic to read throughout the week, and I’ve been looking forward to Battlestar Galactica.
However, I forgot just how busy the adult life can be at times.
Sigh.
The best time to read, it turns out, is the bit just before work, when no one can approach me or distract me with questions. Not that they don’t try, though.
Let’s hope for an easy day and a quiet evening for writing. There’s a character that needs building so the player can join in Zino’s Arcs!
Going to be a quiet night of trying to hammer away at the outline and ‘test’ the setting of the science fiction story via Stellaris…
…you get inspiration where you can, folks. Establishing an empire in an RTS game and letting it run on ‘observer mode’ in the corner of my screen is one way to let ideas circulate.
In the meantime, these two are here to judge my procrastination excuses!
But after one stretch to see how I was recovering, I was told that it was a “scholarly day”. History and philosophy lessons concerning Seven Star Praying Mantis.
There was also a bit of quiet where I followed the instructions of my Jow Gows (Black Sash Students) and made my “list” of the forms I knew from memory.
Yes, my handwriting is awful.
The ambitious side of me wants to add to this list, but I made a promise to myself that I would take the time to learn, so it’ll be slow-going.
Swift's Corner 