Jacob Swift

05/16/2024 Without a Job

I started working for the US Post Office back in May 2009, as a T.E. (Transitional Employee) but did not make Career until 2014. I’ve been wearing the uniform for 15 years.

On Tuesday, I was fired. I received a Letter of Removal and was walked off the premises.

At the time, I was (understandably) in shock. I called my wife, took a few minutes at home to let it sink in, and… I broke, again.

Folks, I like to joke that sometimes God thinks I’m Job from the Old Testament. If you’ve been following my posts and writings for the last eight months, you might see why I use that kind of acerbic humor. This just adds on to it.

Now, not all is lost. I’m still on the payroll and have been put on administrative leave. So, I’m still getting paid until late June. I also have a Union, so I’ve filed a grievance to have the Removal rescinded. The folks in Union leadership are considering my case and are, bluntly saying, ‘convinced this is bullshit and I’ll get my job back’. That will take time, though, and I can’t get around that (backpay will inevitably happen), so it’ll be a waiting game. I can’t go into the details surrounding the grievance at the moment. Legally speaking, a grievance is considered a lawsuit, so I’m under a ton of obligations to keep quiet about it on public forums.

Don’t worry, players and friends; I’ll talk about it on personal time.

To say that I’ve been pushed into despair would be an honest understatement. I’m a male Millennial from the 80’s, so I’ve been raised to believe that if I can’t provide, then I have no value. I’m not saying that it’s true, but it’s some strong brainwashing to go through.

On the other hand, I have a family for whom I must provide. My wife and children need to be fed, clothed, and given safe shelter. The bills don’t care if I’ve lost my job; they still need to be paid.

It’s a motivation that borders on the insanity with me; they need me to not fall apart, and more importantly, I need me to not fall apart.

‘Fall apart’ is something I will do, of course, but I’ve also been raised to believe that men can’t show emotions like that to other people, so it’ll happen during my more private moments. I do have friends and family to whom I can reach out, and I will. One of them, a buddy that’s also a psychologist and therapist, talked to me earlier this morning about everything.

He sent me a video of Jean-Luc Picard explaining to Data that “You can do everything right, make no mistakes, and still lose. That’s not weakness; that’s life.” He reminded me, in a moment of bleak thoughts, that I’ve done right by my family and that I’ll continue to do so, because that’s who I am.

It reminded me of something my father told me when I was 17.

I’ll be taking this time to fight the despair, take care of house and home, and write. I had started a rewrite of a short story for submission before this happened. I’m now extra-motivated to get some kind of publishing, and I do have time on my hands…

Might also start with the creative crunch for subscriber content and try to drive up donations. Lord knows, I’m going to need it. And yes, I’ll look into some kind of paying work to make ends meet. I can address my feelings, but responsibilities must also be addressed.

I want to take a quick moment to remind all of you that, if you’re depressed, don’t try to hide it, suppress it, or keep it to yourself. Please, if you have people, reach out to them and talk. If you don’t have those people, there are programs that can help you, even in this crazy world we live in. It’s weird and go against my instincts to say that, but that instinct was taught to me and it’s ultimately not a healthy one.

Men: fucking listen to me and talk to someone. Stoicism isn’t a panacea for despair.

Have faith, folks. I’ll still be around and will keep writing/posting. If I seem depressed, it’s because I am. But I’ll keep plugging along at my goals. I have people that’ll help me stand back up.

I wanted to end this essay on something that’ll lift our moods, so here’s the fat housecat stoned out of her mind on catnip and unable to move.

*Yeah… Penelope was stuck like that but didn’t seem to mind or notice.*

Stay safe out there, folks.

-JB Swift

05/15/2024 Going Silent for Today

Going through another crisis, so I’ll be absent for today.

I’ll write up an essay on Thursday to give context. Until then:

Stay safe out there, folks.

-JB Swift

05/14/2024 Looking Over Old Story

I had mentioned a while ago that I had received a rejection for a short story. After letting a few friends look it over (silently asking “WHHHYYYY?” in my dramatic fashion) and seeing the problems throughout, I thought I’d take a look at it myself.

*If you’ve been here a while, you might recognize it.*

Now, five or so years after it was finished, I’m starting to see what is wrong with the story. I can at least take pride in the fact that I’ve gained more experience in that time, right?

Now, this isn’t me saying that I’m putting my other WIPs on the shelf to fix this; those are still my priorities for writing. But if I can whittle away at this on occasion, and make it publishable, I can get my name out there while I keep working.

I just gotta figure out how to make a tornado in a vacuum!

Yup, you read that right.

Stay safe out there, folks. Keep writing!

-JB Swift

05/13/2024 Late Night Distractions

My Mother’s Day for Sunday is still in Drafts; I’ll post it soon.

I would say that I’m going to dedicate my evening to writing, but I’m afraid I’m distracted.

*I know only one serving: aerial view required*

There was a $10 sirloin on sale for $3 and it needed to be eaten today. This will knock me unconscious after a while.

Stay safe out there, folks!

-JB Swift

05/12/2024 US Mother’s Day

This post was saved to Drafts so I could write out a full essay post, but given a few current events, I’ll be setting it to ‘Published’ on Thursday.

It’s Mother’s Day, here in the United States.

I’m giving the national context because I had learned recently from an associate in Spain that Mother’s Day falls on different days outside of the US, so I’m checking myself on the insular thinking.

Normally, this day would be chock-full of spending time with my mother, but we had a moment of pragmatism. The weather has been awful, and Mom called to say that she knows I appreciate her, but to not load up the family and drive through the storm to visit.

Which in retrospect just drives home why I appreciate my mother so much.

It’ll be a quiet day, otherwise.

Stay safe out there, folks. Write you mothers.

-JB Swift

PS~ Apologies for the short post; it’s not how I like to write about holidays.

05/11/2024 Teaching, Writing, and DungeonMastering

I’ve managed to sleep soundly for once in over a week.

Fine, fine… I’ll keep following doctor’s instructions…

But for moments when I can’t do something, I can at least teach something, so Han will have a bit of time going over Right Hand Staff for Kung Fu. It’s the first weapons form we go over when we reach the Intermediate Levels in our training, and it’s something I can explain while keeping my ass parked in a chair.

And having been told, quite bluntly, by my wife that “You aren’t going anywhere today,” I’m going to put my headphones on and whittle away at my stories. Namely, I want to take another look at my Tall Tales short story.

A beta-reader looked it over and told me why it had never been published, which was humbling.

It’s also Game Day! We get to go back into the SWRPG Campaign, where the Field Group are hurtling towards the Rising Action of the Main Arc!

I just hope that I’ve written that well enough to get their interest!

Stay safe out there, folks! I’m slowly recovering but at least I can feel the progress.

-JB Swift

05/10/2024 Field Day and At-Home Reading!

It was Field Day at the kids’ school!

I am utterly exhausted just from the bare minimum of parenting! I went to watch!

I mostly sat on benches and watched my kids compete, cheering them on through hand signals (these two have learned a surprising number of my homegrown hand signs, and that’s disturbing), before my 7yr old daughter ran up to tell me her grandmother had arrived.

“Dad, you did great,” she said in a moment of empathy, “but you’re hurting. Please go home.”

…I don’t like not being present at my children’s events, but when they’re coming up to be more medically responsible, dammit I have to pay attention, don’t I?

I’ve made it back home, put a cold compress on my chest, and opened Battlestar Galactica. I’ll read for a bit, write a bit, see how the day goes.

If you can’t tell, the lack of physical activity is unnerving.

Stay safe out there, folks.

-JB Swift

05/09/2024 Doctor’s Prognosis (A Narrative)

6 pulled muscles in my torso.

“I’m kinda impressed you’re still standing upright and walking,” the doctor said after checking me over. “You have to have a really high pain tolerance.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” I wheezed.

“Yeah, that wasn’t a compliment, Swift,” he said. “You need to rest, and you’re going on ‘light duty’ at work for a week when you report in on Monday.”

“What are my restrictions?” I asked. I’ve seen a few postmen reporting in while on ‘light duty’. One of them had so many restrictions, in fact, that he was shunted into a small office and told to check over all ‘postage due’ reports and gas receipts. That wouldn’t be something for me, though.

“When you get back,” the doctor was saying, “you’re to not push, pull, carry, or lift anything over 10lb, nor can you do any repetitive movements from side-to-side, such as twisting.”

That’s how I move when taking mail from the lap desk to the mailbox.

“So,” I drawled, considering, “the majority of my job is off-limits?”

“Basically,” he said, “for at least a week. At home, it’s more like two weeks. You’ll be home this weekend, so you’re to rest and not do what all of us know you’ll want to do.”

I eyed the doctor and raised a waiting eyebrow. Small towns can make for relationships like this between professionals and their clients: while there’s still the emotional distance required to maintain the authority of the professional, there are moments when the walls are dropped and both parties can be ‘people’.

“Swift,” the doctor sighed, “no, you can’t mow your land, or cut down that row of trees you’ve complained about, or any of the other things you think you need to do.” He looked at me frankly and raised his hands imploringly. “You have to remember to look after yourself, not just the rest of your world.”

I didn’t have a good rebuttal to that, but I do have a remarkable scowl. I used this scowl, but the doctor had the best defense: he was correct.

With that, I took the reports and paperwork I’d need for the office, dropped those off, and went back home, reminding myself along the way that for once, I was going to actually rest.

-Stay safe out there, folks.

-JB Swift

05/08/2024 Aaaand Forced Rest Day

Welp, I didn’t listen to my own damn advice. Thought I could handle just a little more weight when lifting parcels or moving around.

But halfway through the route, I felt a sneeze coming on. There had been a few moments of discomfort from the chest muscles, but it turned out I wasn’t ready.

I sneezed. There was a soft pop sensation in my torso, just left of the sternum.

Oh…oh no.

Cut to a few hours later, I’m home, setting up the next doctor visit and explaining to management that I won’t be coming in, and readying a supply of cold compresses.

*The face of a man coming to grips with his age, and also needing a trim.*

Gonna be a short night. Once the anti-inflammatories kick in, I’ll be unconscious.

Stay safe out there, folks.

-JB Swift

05/07/2024 The Brotherhood of Traveling Pulled Muscle

Yes, I am proud of the reference pun, but I will also recommend the book and the film. They’re entertaining and surprisingly wholesome.

Well, I did do a dumb thing yesterday and thought I had recovered enough to handle a parcel pickup. On my route, this usually doesn’t mean much: maybe one or two boxes weighing less than 3lb (1.36kg) and that’d be it.

Turned out to be 45 boxes, each weighing between 5-8lb, and that required a lot of repetitive motion while lifting. I did my evening stretches, took my anti-inflammatory, and even slept in the awkward-but-helpful manner of being cross-legged with my back at a slight incline. Good news: my chest feels better!

Bad news: the muscles on my back, namely around and under the shoulder blades, tried to kill me this morning.

Sigh…

I did schedule an appointment with my physician and will listen to him, despite my stubbornness and bad habit of thinking I’m still in my early 20s and thus, indestructible.

Who knows? Maybe he’ll put me on mandatory bed rest and I’ll be able to write all day!

Find humor where you can, folks.

Stay safe out there, folks. Remember: take care of your physical self, too.

-JB Swift