I started working for the US Post Office back in May 2009, as a T.E. (Transitional Employee) but did not make Career until 2014. I’ve been wearing the uniform for 15 years.
On Tuesday, I was fired. I received a Letter of Removal and was walked off the premises.
At the time, I was (understandably) in shock. I called my wife, took a few minutes at home to let it sink in, and… I broke, again.
Folks, I like to joke that sometimes God thinks I’m Job from the Old Testament. If you’ve been following my posts and writings for the last eight months, you might see why I use that kind of acerbic humor. This just adds on to it.
Now, not all is lost. I’m still on the payroll and have been put on administrative leave. So, I’m still getting paid until late June. I also have a Union, so I’ve filed a grievance to have the Removal rescinded. The folks in Union leadership are considering my case and are, bluntly saying, ‘convinced this is bullshit and I’ll get my job back’. That will take time, though, and I can’t get around that (backpay will inevitably happen), so it’ll be a waiting game. I can’t go into the details surrounding the grievance at the moment. Legally speaking, a grievance is considered a lawsuit, so I’m under a ton of obligations to keep quiet about it on public forums.
Don’t worry, players and friends; I’ll talk about it on personal time.
To say that I’ve been pushed into despair would be an honest understatement. I’m a male Millennial from the 80’s, so I’ve been raised to believe that if I can’t provide, then I have no value. I’m not saying that it’s true, but it’s some strong brainwashing to go through.
On the other hand, I have a family for whom I must provide. My wife and children need to be fed, clothed, and given safe shelter. The bills don’t care if I’ve lost my job; they still need to be paid.
It’s a motivation that borders on the insanity with me; they need me to not fall apart, and more importantly, I need me to not fall apart.
‘Fall apart’ is something I will do, of course, but I’ve also been raised to believe that men can’t show emotions like that to other people, so it’ll happen during my more private moments. I do have friends and family to whom I can reach out, and I will. One of them, a buddy that’s also a psychologist and therapist, talked to me earlier this morning about everything.
He sent me a video of Jean-Luc Picard explaining to Data that “You can do everything right, make no mistakes, and still lose. That’s not weakness; that’s life.” He reminded me, in a moment of bleak thoughts, that I’ve done right by my family and that I’ll continue to do so, because that’s who I am.
It reminded me of something my father told me when I was 17.
I’ll be taking this time to fight the despair, take care of house and home, and write. I had started a rewrite of a short story for submission before this happened. I’m now extra-motivated to get some kind of publishing, and I do have time on my hands…
Might also start with the creative crunch for subscriber content and try to drive up donations. Lord knows, I’m going to need it. And yes, I’ll look into some kind of paying work to make ends meet. I can address my feelings, but responsibilities must also be addressed.
I want to take a quick moment to remind all of you that, if you’re depressed, don’t try to hide it, suppress it, or keep it to yourself. Please, if you have people, reach out to them and talk. If you don’t have those people, there are programs that can help you, even in this crazy world we live in. It’s weird and go against my instincts to say that, but that instinct was taught to me and it’s ultimately not a healthy one.
Men: fucking listen to me and talk to someone. Stoicism isn’t a panacea for despair.
Have faith, folks. I’ll still be around and will keep writing/posting. If I seem depressed, it’s because I am. But I’ll keep plugging along at my goals. I have people that’ll help me stand back up.
I wanted to end this essay on something that’ll lift our moods, so here’s the fat housecat stoned out of her mind on catnip and unable to move.
Stay safe out there, folks.
-JB Swift
Swift's Corner 