I remember the moments I had first held my children. They were small, burbling creatures that refused to open their eyes for the first few minutes of being on this earth. They were scared, cold, and hungry. When the nurses had them bundled, they handed them to me to take to my wife as she recovered from the exhausting procedure of childbirth.
They felt the rakishness of my beard and heard the rumbling of my voice, and both had opened their eyes to gaze at me at this moment.
Both times, my world stopped, and my perspective on life shifted.
When Han came into our world, I was thirty years old. When Ben showed up, I was nearing thirty-three. Up to their births, I was terrified. I knew I wanted children, but I was scared that I would not make a good father or dad. I was the youngest of my family and had absolutely no experience with infants or children. I did not know if I would be enough.
I still do not know, but I do know that my world is better and brighter for their existence. I hope theirs is the same for mine.
I make it a point to make a distinction between the titles at the top. Over the years, I’ve managed to be a Father, a Dad, and a Father-Figure. I think there should be a bit of observation and advice for those individuals that find themselves in one of those roles.
For the Fathers, we share a responsibility, though I have to admit that it’s not one all of us can meet. Our actions have brought someone else into this world, and that action alone is startling to consider. There has been, or will be, someone else out there, with your features and mannerisms, walking upon this rolling ball. This does call to question: Can you accept that?
For those of you who can, I applaud you. For those of you who cannot, I also applaud you. What your child needs most from you in this moment is your honesty and humility. If you can accept the responsibility, and you work towards upholding that, you’re already proving to your child, and ultimately yourself, that your fears are left wanting. But if you are still honest and you cannot, choose what will ultimately be the best for your child. You’re still someone’s Father. They are still a part of you, out in the great world. Whatever else, do right by them.
For the Dads, we share a task. We are there to love, nurture, and protect these small creatures. Whether they are from our blood and flesh or not, they’ve been brought under our aegis, our area of responsibility. These children look to us for guidance, education, and comfort. Whether it be a late-night question that rocks your soul or running up to cry about a scraped knee, they need you.
Yes, those moments will come. Yes, those moments will seem daunting and you will wonder if you will do the right thing. The fact that you’re trying to do the right thing is ultimately what they need. Is that terrifying to consider? Yes. Will you still be their heroes? Also yes.
For the Father-Figures, we occupy an interesting point in time. Someone out there has decided to trust us and confide in us as a mentor. There may be no relation between you at all, but someone is looking to model themselves after you, and you will have an incredible burden in providing the examples they need to be better people.
Does that sound daunting? It should because it is. Something about you struck a chord in this person, and they are looking to you for the answers.
As Father’s Day rolls up to us, I’d like to small moment and toast:
To the Fathers, Dads, and Father-Figures. Have faith in yourselves. The children of your worlds certainly do.
Swift's Corner 